It was recently brought to my attention that the name I give to my frisky-fingered no-good boy-lovin’ godfather in this blog, ‘El Pedo’, when translated into Spanish means “The Fart”. And there is just something so comforting, so perfect in that name… the puffed-up red-cheeked bag of wind could have no more felicitous appellation unless I had unwittingly come up with some harmless moniker that, in Nkosa, translates directly as “The Cunt”.

 

So, in honour of The Fart, I have decided to just have a bit more fun mocking. I shall occasionally feature my favourite pop-culture pedos (Oooh – more Gary Glitter)… or things that are just questionable, such as:

 

 

Before you get upset and yell about how Wham Bam You Are A Man and that the song is sexy and all, but not pedo-sexy … I KNOW Giorgos Michaelopolous is gay, I KNOW he’s not a pedo, I KNOW the song means something else (does it?) but…

 

I will be your father figure
Put your tiny hand in mine
I will be your preacher teacher
(Be your daddy)
Anything you have in mind
I will be your father figure
I have had enough of crime
I will be the one who loves you –
Until the end of time
That’s all I wanted
But sometimes love can be mistaken
For a crime

 

 

Yeah. George just want’s to be the one who loves you like a father – even though SOME people may think that that particular kind of father-love is criminal.  And probably is.  Technically.  Under Federal law.

 

Oh – and by the way: anyone who says they want to be your preacher-daddy is probably not good relationship material.  Next thing they’ll want to do is get all R Kelly and piddle on you.  Or put you in a well in their cellar and get you to rub lotion on your skin under threat of a good hosing.

 

Next week: How Chantilly Lace And A Pretty Face With A Ponytail Hanging Down is step one on the short journey to a statutory rape charge.

 

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